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Tuesday, June 29

You know sometimes how irritating and annoying one can get when he or she felt scarcism? No no.. not those kind of NORMAL scarcism.. but rather ABNORMAL. I'm beginning to feel tired or rather long looonnngg time ago i'm tired of the game being played in front of me. I don't understand isn't the game already a game over? Why but why is there this commotion still going on? Right it takes time for the not so better player to calm down and etc right? Yup i truly agree.. but when the judge announce the game to be set, then rightfully both players should just resign themselves to fate, to who's the winner and who's not. It's endless if you just keep the thing going on and on. I've absolutely no idea when this game is going to end.. but i just want to say here i'm sick and tired of it.

Do you understand what i mean.

Heli Dont ask me why 1:39 PM

Two Down!

Right two down for today. GP and Chinese. Great i would condemn comprehension from today onwards. Be it chinese or GP, both are equally bad. I really couldn't comprehend the passage and the questions. Not that they are difficult to understand, but it's like, so hard to find the answers. And for chinese, i really stared at that chang wen shuo duan for like don't know how long after writing the first sentence. Then i finally gave up and move on to the comprehension which was not much better. Sighs bottom line: Compre really sucks.

yup ber. It's suppose to pull the grades up. But unfortunately, i wasn't at all well prepared with enough time for it see? Heh.. (As if given enough time i will go study like that) But well, what can i do now.. other than really digest as much facts as possible into that pathetic brain of mine and trying to vomit all of them out in the papers. Sighs.. yeah i can't wait for wed to be here. And it's going to be a mini break for us again~! yippeee~

Hang on. Hang on. I'm gonna make it till wed.

BOO.

Heli Dont ask me why 12:03 AM

Sunday, June 27

Hmmm yeah school starts tmr. You called it block tests, common tests, mid year, or whatever.. yah it's tmr. My june hols end today. What's new..

And so i had been preparing myself since days ago, and i had been assuring and reassuring myself that everything will be alright. Felt so stressed up and couldn't withstand the atmosphere at home, i went out for a walk yesterday. You know life at times look as if we are like drilling a hole in the ground, and then when you stop halfway, you asked yourself what's the hole for. Yah and then if you're logical enough you would answer oh it's for this purpose... and whatever. But then again.. you would question yourself again, does it answer your question?

Don't know if you understand what's stated above. But that's what happens to me.. like what i asked myself yesterday when i'm outside. I questioned myself many things, and many times. And then i think, it's best to live and lead a simple life. Right i don't know what i'm driving at now. I only know that, perhaps life is very simple, just that we humans have pictured it to be a complicated one. You understand what i'm saying?

Maybe my entries all these while sounded boring, ermm unrelated to you or whatever, but half the time i'm just entertaining myself with whole load of craps. Who cares what i write, and whatever. And then i got frustrated at myself for typing all these nonsensical things when what i want to express is just a simple three words: Wo lei le.

yeah i think i only want to bring forth these three words. But who knows why so many other words come along with it. I'm too bored eh?

GP tmr. Don't know, i seem to be able to write freely here. But when it comes to the real paper itself, hmm yah like cass always said last time, "I stare at the paper, the paper stared back at me." Yup it's happening to me now. Don't know, don't seem to have the hang of writing anymore, don't seem to have the flow in my essays. *sighs* Oh and i have one more thing to say, hope the mid year weightage isn't a lot.. yah thot it through. Now regret also no use. After mid year, i will pia le. Yeah i will jiayou de!

oh.. come let's do some calculations

80 X 8 = 640
640 / 60 = 10 ++

Heh.. jiayou ba.

Oh btw, i'm looking for a jie. Any takers? Any recommendations?

All of us feng le. Yeah feng le. =X

Heli Dont ask me why 10:22 PM

Saturday, June 26

You know yesterday i was on my way to The Rocks and then along the way, i realised that there are so many chiobus leh. NO NO i'm not a LES. I'm just saying that, suddenly like everybody became so pretty around me. I mean, usualy you would see some nice and then some not so nice right? But yesterday was like, wah.. every lady i see all look nice. And then there are so many hairstyles i would like to try on my head too. Bah. No i belong to the mei qian jia zhu. No money to go style hairs. BOO!

And so i thought when i go home, i would meet a lot of pretty gals again. Ermm but not really though. Saw lots of aunties.. er.. ya shan't comment much. Hmm and then cos usually when go out alone, would listen to discman and yah, me myself in my world. It's like, cos i'm rushing home to study you see, so while listening to hillsongs and walking at a relatively fast pace, i generated a lot of thoughts in my mind, like why do we have to live in such a fast pace world? Why are these old people still working? Where are their children? Etc etc.. Sighs yah na jiu shi wo. Xiang tai duo le.

And i want to post this song a long long time ago le. Kept forgeting. If you wanna listen, go to www.davidfoster.com. Go click on the song I Will By David Foster & Chris Kirkpatrick.

I Will – David Foster & Chris Kirkpatrick

When life seems hopeless and you are all alone
And no one is there to dry the tear drops from your eyes
When you can't find a single reason left to try
Baby I will
(Baby I will)
Baby I will

Tell me the secrets that you've locked away
Confide your deepest fears that haunt you everyday
All of the little things nobody else could understand
Baby I will
(Baby I will)
I will

It's all right
I'll be there
Count on me
Anytime anywhere
I'll show you love
Till the end of my life
When no one else will stand by your side
I will

When all you've counted on comes tumbling down
And there's only emptiness that nothing seems to fill
And when you can't remember how to be strong
Baby I will
(Baby I will)
I will

It's all right
I'll be there
Count on me
Anytime anywhere
I'll show you love
Till the end of my life
When no one else will stand by your side
I will

When no one else will stand by your side
I will

It's all right
I'll be there
Count on me
Anytime anywhere
I'll show you love
(I will show you love)
Till the end of my life
When no one else will stand by your side

I'll be standing right by your side
I will

If you allow some space beside you for me, rest assure i will stand by your side.

I will. =]

Heli Dont ask me why 10:34 AM

Wednesday, June 23

*Bite my lips*

Hmmm somehow sometimes i wish i can really say what i want to say to my father without hesitating and then end up say nothing. Cos it's like, hmm lately like quite dui bu qi him like that. Firstly was Father's Day, din do anything for him. Just bought the egg tart and then just left it on the table, don't know he got notice not. Then lately like kept spending a lot of money, i like bu hao yi si go take from him also. Then.. sighs passed by the asics shop today, then wah.. really got the urge want to buy that shoe. But sighs, i'm spending more than i should. But now is sale leh! Next time where can buy at such a low price! Sighs.. I'm seriously broke... =//

Mei qian le.. =X

Heli Dont ask me why 11:58 PM

I got myself "The Purpose Driven Life" book. Forty days. Today is Day Two. I'm gonna be patient and read each chapter per day. Hopefully by the end, i would find the purpose i'm living for.

School hols ending. Yeah ending. Few more days and it would be my exams. Just started revision and homework yesterday. Sighs it's so very hard to start from nothing. Or perhaps there's just something, little something. Had stopped touching my books for more than 3 weeks.. and ya exams next week. =X

I have put aside many thoughts these days. Cos i thought i have no time to let it infest my brain any further. But sometimes these kind of provoking thoughts, maybe just simply pushing them away ain the solution. Aiya.. i don't know what i'm talking too. Actually there's a lot of things that i want to do, i want to say, i want to get it over and done with. But seems like i don't have the chance, and honestly i don't know how to go about doing so.

Sighs.

Booooweeeyyyy days.

Heli Dont ask me why 9:24 AM

Monday, June 21

Sighs i have A LOT i want to say de! But i'm really very tired and tmr still have school for me in the morning. Actually i have lots to say to yingxian too... esp at this point of time. Don't know why, but somehow when i'm tired, i somehow would think more but yet i really no energy to type them all out. Just a little short note to yingxian:

Hey... you left le. Actually, i don't know but my feelings were really congested in my heart just now. I don't know what's keeping me so tight, it maybe stress over my homework and exams, or it maybe because you're leaving. But, just now actually really have lots of things i want to really say it out to you. Think i regretted not really telling you the things i want to say when we went out just now, cos i thought when i say to you at the airport, it would somehow be more meaningful and i would really remember what i want to say to you. But anyway, i'm really left speechless too at the same time when you were about to go in. It really jerks me that you're really leaving. I try my best not to recall the times we had together especially recently, cos it somehow just melts my heart and make me want to think back and i would miss you lots...

I just want to say that, what i said that night, about adapting yourself to australia, i really do hope you can settle down there asap. I know you would miss us and singapore and what not, but really the faster you settle down, the lesser pain you would feel. Actually i also not sure what i'm saying now to you.. just typing out whatever that comes to my mind. Just now almost did cry, and it's really very sad to see a friend leaving. I would work hard for my exams and everything and you really got to take good care of yourself too. I would type another entry another time.

Hey.. when you see this remember to email me or drop by a note or something okay? Reach australia le immediately email to us or wad! I don't mind you calling overseas call to my house and hp de. Keep in contact leh!

yingxian i miss you... =X

Heli Dont ask me why 9:42 PM

Sunday, June 20

What am i doing at such a time on sunday morning?

No time to further elaborate. Your will know soon.

Pray hard for me to give me the determination to get it done soon.

I want it nice and good.

And meaningful.

Heli Dont ask me why 5:24 AM

Friday, June 18

MAYBE IT'S HIGH TIME YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THINGS YOU SHOULD HAD STOPPED LONG AGO.

I HAD ENOUGH OF SEEING THIS GAME.

GET IN MIND THAT IT'S GAME OVER.

GET A LIFE MAN.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:30 PM

Thursday, June 17

right. I'm already quite bu hao shou then something else just got to piss me too. Great eh.

Heli Dont ask me why 2:11 PM

Maybe i would have say these many times in my blog before, but anyway, it's really scary to suddenly stop to turn back and look in your life, and not knowing what you're doing, where you are heading. I've encountered this kind of situation many times, and my solution to it would be just walk on and on. But that bit of reasoning in me still makes me understand that i'm just walking further and further into the dark.

I've finished my CIBTC and all of a sudden i feel so lost in life. There are many things that's waiting for me to do, and i dread this kind of feeling. I have piles of homework, piles of research, and more importantly piles of revision. And what am i doing here? What's really in me that's missing? I'm ... tired of thinking.

You know the feeling of so much things to say, so many things kept in you, but you have absolutely no idea to get it all out? Yeah i'm feeling that way now my friend. I never like to admit i'm a weakling, i try my best not to let myself look like one, behave like one, aiya fark la.. i don't feel like saying anything le. =X

And to you:

"Make it known to me, so that you life would not be so stressful" You told me this before you remember?

When i want to share that inner happiness in me, i don't know how to tell you. When i want to tell you how bitter i felt, i don't know if i should tell you. Don't make me feel this way. Hao ma?

Heli Dont ask me why 11:27 AM

Monday, June 14

I want to have a world of my own at times. Often pictured myself sitting on top of a rooftop, and right before me would be the big ocean sea. There would be seagulls flying around. There will be group of little children running around at the sand, building sandcastles. A father would be carrying his child high up with eyes beaming with joy and mother trying to wipe away the perspirations on the forehead of their child. And then the whole world will just vanish when i close my eyes. I want a world of my own. I find it hard to surpress my emotions. It's getting more and more difficult, and i know it wouldn't allow me to hold much longer. It's really frightening to find yourself coming such a long way to find out you don't know what you're doing all the while. And then you stop and ponder about the things you had done, and then you stood there not knowing where to go, but in the end you choose to just walk ahead. And then you look around you trying to keep that disturbing question in you, you just try to hide it all away.

I don't want to hide it away. I don't want to hide anything.

Heli Dont ask me why 3:30 PM

It's been 2 years. Nothing much to talk about it. Nothing to do about it.

Anyway, ATC is over. Lotsa things to comment about it, but needa sleep le. This camp itself, at most slept for only 10 hours? =)

So.. 3 more days and it would be the end of the course. Mixed feelings. I know i will miss them all.

Heli Dont ask me why 12:45 AM

Wednesday, June 9

8th Day of CIBTC

Great. Its been 8 fruitful days. Yeah and my course is ending. BUt.. will be going to camp tmr. Somehow, i just don't "click" well with my atc group than my squad. Think i'm just going to miss the laughters and weird jokes we shared in my squad. My group.. =X No comments.

And yeah it's going to be 4 days.. I'm not scare about physically, but it's really the mentality i should have before and during the camp that matters most. This camp, is about endurance.

Mind over body.

Right, so don't bother to msg me or try contact me via my hp. Will be back on mainland only on Sunday 1500 hrs onwards. i will miss home. will miss com. will miss you.

Heli Dont ask me why 10:16 PM

Tuesday, June 8

Sensing pain on left arm. Think i exert too much strength on my left arm today. Now it hurts. Hope it will go away tmr.

Tmr would be the last day before my ATC camp. Actually, i think once ATC is over, then it will be good for me. 4 days 3 night in ubin. Went through the timetable, don't really think it's tough, but then again, which ATC is relaxing?

What's more this time round is CIBTC ATC.

duh. i will survive right?

...right?

...

13th June.

Heli Dont ask me why 10:37 PM

Sunday, June 6

3 more serious days

1 camp

3 more slacking days

And it's over.

Hai. This is going to be the worst hols ever.

And oh yah.. i farking hate handphones now. Think i'm paranoid. No sms i also will sort of be able to hear that stupid sms tone. Damn DAmn DAMN. It's really GREAT to be free. Free from all these rubbish. Free from all these nonsensical stuffs. To hell with phones. =X

Heli Dont ask me why 11:22 PM

Saturday, June 5

Maybe words doesn't mean much at all.

But sincerity counts.

I have not much nice words, not much thoughts. Just a simple three words perhaps,

"je serai là"

=]

Heli Dont ask me why 12:43 AM

Wednesday, June 2

Hai... there's a lot i want to say, i want to voice out at times...

but...

...who can i tell all these to? you? =/

Heli Dont ask me why 11:01 PM

*listening to sermon by Pastor Prince*

Heli Dont ask me why 9:26 AM

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